Remember that Kylie Minogue song, “I should be so lucky…Lucky, lucky, lucky“?
*****WARNING: EXTREME MUSH AHEAD.*****
Fucked if I know what she was wailing about but I’m going to take it out of context and say that the song’s been looping around in my brain box all evening. In fact, contrary to the actual meaning of the song, in my head the song means that “I am oh so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky“. Here’s why. (I’m sure you care)
I went out this evening to Orchard Street to meet an old college buddy of mine Nan. Nan is two years older than me and since we lived close by to one another (In late 90s and early 21st century Bombay), we’d ride the bus home together and generally shoot the breeze. She was also my original drinking buddy and thinking buddy. Aaanyway, turns out she’s in SG and we met up for dinner and drinks. She came with her friend Roma, a lovely young lady who forgot she’d taken medication and promptly got dizzyingly drunk on two martinis. But that’s not the point at all.
We were talking about relationships and the respective men in our lives. I told them I’d be getting married to Chef soon and Roma asked me, “How do you know that he’s the right guy?” I tried in my head to word my answer as profoundly or as funnily as possible but the truth is a cliche sometimes: it just feels right. Shortly afterwards, they began discussing their respective boyfriends and Nan mentioned how she’s never sure if her boyfriend is coming home that night; if he doesn’t show, she never asks him where he’s been and when they’re together, he never tells her how beautiful/pretty/awesome she is.
At the risk of sounding petty, it kind of made me realise what an awesome man I have in Chef. I realise it’s a matter of maturity and that’s what I told Nan. Her man will come around only when he’s mature enough to. I’ve only been with Chef a year and I’ve already forgotten how younger people can mind fuck you in a relationship with their sudden distance, abrupt callousness, their commitment phobic insecurities and pretty mind games. I say ‘people’ and not ‘boys’ or ‘girls’ because I think I myself am guilty of all above reactions. In fact, on an average day I go through at least two of them with Chef and what makes our relationship so special is that he can hold the fort down if it comes to that. Knowing that makes me secure.
Chef asked me to marry him a week after he met me. Before we were dating. When I was considering a proposal from Canadian Boy whom I had spent three months crying over and getting over. When Chef told me he wanted to marry me, I laughed and told him he was too old for me. Now I realise that’s about WHY I am marrying him. In his own words, he’s “been around the block a few times“- he’s been married thrice. Twice out of ‘love’ and once to get the girl a Green Card.
It makes me wonder about why I rejected Canadian Boy and went with Chef instead. There’s a social theory (of family) that says that women probably began the institution of marriage because of their need for security. Their need to bear children (that ticking time bomb of a bio clock) and their need to feel safe/protected while they gave birth and reared their children is what gave rise to the first systems of marriage and family. Perhaps this security played some role in my selection of a life partner, no?
