I was watching some porn this afternoon and I realised I’m never ever going to get to experience a threesome. Since I’m getting married. It wouldn’t be hard to convince Chef into one involving another girl, but I’d probably get mad if he so much as touches her and that’s no fun. I think orgies and threesomes involve some level of either super deep emotional committment or none at all.

On a completely unrelated topic, I want to bitch about my person life, okay? Okay.

a) My aunt just called me on the phone from UPSTAIRS because she wants to know if I can book tickets for the family to go to a movie. I shit you not. There is a computer not 10 feet from where the family is vegetating at present and two young girls who definitely know how to do this. So why does it have to be ME?! Also, you still can book on the phone- which my tech unsavvy uncle and aunt can manage, no? Further more the theatre itself is about a 10 minute drive from the house. Okay 20, given the traffic. It’s amazing how lazy rich people can get.

b) Did I bitch about my aunt calling me on the phone from upstairs? I’m glad she called on the phone over YELLING down the stairs over and over again until I got the fuck up and climbed the stairs to find out what she wants. Here’s my deal: If I want something from her, I will walk up the stairs and talk to her. If she wants something from me, she ought to do the same. Most of the time, by the time I yell back and walk up the stairs, she’ll say to me shit like, “Hey, can you run downstairs and get my purse?” or her phone or some diary or a knife or a mango or something so trivial that I wonder why SHE can’t get the fuck up and go get it. WHile she can’t do these simple things, she will go for a ‘brisk walk’ in the mornings to keep her weight down. Sometimes, hilariously enough, this walk will take place IN the house. I’d like to tell her that if she ran the house and did some chores like she should, she mightn’t have to work at working out at all.
Now I’m not saying she should do the house work coz she’s a woman, wife and mother. She should because she rarely goes to work. Well I shouldnt say that. I think she goes more regularly since i started working because she comes to pick me up from work for lunch. But either way.

c) It wouldn’t kill the members of this household to pick the fuck up after themselves. The maid has to clean this fucking mansion on a daily basis, cook breakfast, lunch and dinner, do the dishes, make ALL the beds, tidy ALL the rooms on a daily basis. Twice a week she has to wash clothes and fold and put the dry clothes away. God forbid, she doesn’t fold the dry clothes they will be transferred from the pile on the kid’s bed to the chair and back again until they are all dirty and are back in the wash. Apparently, the kids are incapable of folding their own clothes. I love them to death but this pisses me off because when my aunt realises the clothes have not been folded and put away, it’s the maid who gets a yelling not the kids. I dunno. I used to get yelled at on the reg when I wouldnt fold my clothes and my mum eventually did it. Ha ha. But here, these kids are kind of learning that they do not NEED to do this stuff.  Also the maid has to be ready to iron clothes as and when required by the family.

d) Today, I walked into the kitchen and noticed that the stand which holds the onions, ginger and garlic had fallen down and was a mess. I asked what happened. The dog happened to it. SO I started picking it up and the maid was shocked, “No no leave it. I’ll do it as soon as I finish the dishes” but I did it anyway. Nobody else would have bothered. Now the maid’s not exactly a saint. She’s a bit stupid and tons annoying. She won’t finish one task completely before she moves on to another and hence my aunt is constantly yelling at her but I do feel on some level that if they stopped treating her like she was supposed to do everything in the house all the time, perhaps it might make life easier for them.

For my part, I make my own coffee in the mornings and tea in the evenings. I try to get the kids involved in some cooking event in the evening coz I can’t cook and once a week we try one of Chef’s recipes out. I make my own bed on a daily basis and have told the maid that she can pretty much put all my clothes in the washer- she doesn’t have to do it by hand. All the clothes that NEED to be hand washed I’ll do myself. I iron my own clothes and fold em too. I do NOT want to add to her work load for two reasons:
a) I do not think she’s capable of handling it.
b) I’d rather not depend on her for the shit I can do myself coz here’s how she made my bed one day after I made it. Why did she remake it? Coz according to my aunt, I didn’t do it right. The maid stripped my bed and forgot to put the sheets back on. So I come into the room at 5 and I’m greeted by a mattress and several tangled sheets on the floor. It pissed me off.

I think my aunt should cook breakfast for the kids before they go to school. I think she should make their lunches and dinners. SHe is an excellent cook anyway. I think the kids should put away their clothes and make their beds (at the very least). I think she should stop lounging around the bed getting angry with everyone and everything because shit isn’t going her way. There is a reason her husband has been cheating on her for ten years. I’m not condoning his behaviour at all. It’s just that unlike others in the family I’m not shocked at what’s happening. It’s almost in his nature to have gone that route. He always struck me as less than trustworthy. It’s not entirely her fault but it’s not entirely his either. I realise her husband’s infidelity is rendering her helpless. That’s why she needs SO much help around the house….

But … hell I can’t say a thing to her coz I’m her NIECE. You know? I’m a kid. WTF would I know about cheating men? And you know what- thank god I don’t know about being cheated on. I’m marrying a man who would never do something that immature to our relationship. So threesomes or not, I guess in the long run and bigger picture- I’ll stay with the man who got me a pink diamond and has given the best orgasms.

Warm but not friendly is how I remember this place. Warm as in weather, unfriendly as in people. But then again, the last time I was here I probably spewed out black vibes enough to scare the most well meaning folk. This time will probably be a lot different. The problem with me in new places is that I hate being a “tourist”. I’ve rarely been one lately even though I travel so much. I’ve tended to live in places rather than visit them and in that sense I feel like I’ve had a better understanding of a city/country/people than an ordinary tourist. This repulsion I have for touristy activities must be stopped because it’s really very counter productive. I mean I have no interest in going out and doing stuff (i.e. seeing Singapore) and instead I’m sitting here typing. Gah. I suck, no? Well, in my defense, I’m ultra tired this morning on a/c of not getting enough sleep, flying four hours and then not sleeping well again. All I want to do today is go down to the pool and I told my dad we could do the night safari thing tonight. He wanted to hire bikes and ride all around the beach today but my aching calves aren’t up for it. Perhaps tomorrow.

Now that I am here, I’m really unsure how to broach (or is it breach?) the topic of Chef with my Dad. Chef;s been calling me for long hours and I’m hoping my Dad kinda gets the idea, you know? But the thing is my father has lately been in his own bubble wrap of a world. I mean when he came to pick me up at the airport, he was on the phone the WHOLE time. He finally said cut the call and said hi to me when we pulled up outside the apartment! But I’ve been subtly hinting that Chef and I are really close and that I might go back to the States in about a year or so. I’m not sure what he thinks of it or perhaps the idea of me with a man SO much older is just something his brain doesn’t compute? Whatever. I’ve decided that this is not a job for me. This is a job for…. Mommy! Ha ha. Yep. I’m passing the buck.

My grandmother is here too and for ONCE in my life she hasn’t looked at me in dismay and said, “Look at you. How THIN you’ve become.” Which of course is completely fatal for me. Despite that, she has been trying to feed me all kinds of food and being immediately offended at my refusal to stuff my not-so-flat-anymore belly with more food. Gah. I blame my jelly belly on those doctors in Canada who took my appendix out. All those years of building muscle GONE in some 5 minutes of laproscopy. I hate doctors. I may as well have a baby now coz that damn thing will pretty much do the same thing.

In other news, I dropped my stupid Motorazor into a glass of ice water the night before the last and killed it. That shitty phone was asking to be murdered, if you want to know the truth. WHoever the fuck designed the software for the motorola phones should be banned. It is the slowest and most braindead phone software I have ever had the displeasure to use. So now my daddy needs to buy me a brand new phone which is very exciting for me. It was either a phone or a Nintendo DS and since I killed the motorazr – it’s gonna be a phone.