I’m so good at living in the moment that the past and future seem distant entities. I have three more days here with the Chef and then I leave for home. I will be indefinitely absent from his touch, his long winded tales and his cooking. I made the mistake of not accepting this situation last year when I was leaving Canadia. I took it rather badly at the time. I’m hoping this time is different because Chef and I are not calling it quits.

In the rare moments that the leaving does freeze me, I wonder if I can make this relationship work. I have a terrible track record with long distance relationships. I cheated on my first boyfriend at age 18- he lived in my hometown and I lived in Bombay. Getting over Canadian Boy (CB) was most excruciatingly painful but I was released from the cravings fairly quickly. But the thing that concerns me most about Chef, is that sometimes… sometimes I will look at him and think, “What in the fuck am I doing?” How, for instance, do I explain to my parents I want to be with a man older than my father?

I always thought I would end up with someone that I could grow old with. Unfortch, my current partner’s gone and gotten old already. Ha ha. The worrying part is what will become of our relationship when he’s so old, I have to be his eyes, ears and feet? More importantly, what of sex? If I stray (read: cheat) on him while he’s in his geriatric wheelchair, I’ll be hardest core bitch in the world. If I survive all of that, the scariest part will be that, as life plays itself out, I am doomed to lose my parents and lover possibly within five years of one another.

So is this what I really want? The trouble is Chef is a wonderful man. I love how he loves me. In and out of bed. He brings me chocolate when I’m on my period, cooks me my fave meals, does the laundry and the dishes, listens to my ire over politics, buys me pretty things…

Also, he’s Italian. Everything you may or may not have heard about Italian men’s sexual prowess is true. Honest to Orgasm. I think this trumps everything else about him. Ha ha. My mother used to say you should never marry for sex, only for companionship. I think she got it backwards.

Three more days. I told him we’re going to have to meet up in six months and do a little review. Sooner or later we’re going to have to decide how to make this work. That probably involves me leaving India for good and I’m not really really excited about that.